A Halloween tale of recruitment: legend of the 5 dark jobs

It is said that many years ago, a text was written; a text so steeped in dark power, that its very existence has been guarded by a clandestine order of protectors ever since. These grim custodians are said to be masters of the dark arts, but at great personal risk, the brave (or perhaps foolhardy) adventurers of Agency Central have unearthed the text in its entirety, and bring it to you now - for better or worse ...


The text is of course, the legendary and much-feared book of Halloween jobs, and the guardians are of course the Recruiters. Read on to find out about the jobs that make Halloween ... for we fear that precious little time remains ...

I: Masters of change

It was in the caves beneath a thousand-year-old Byzantine castle on the borders of what is now Turkey that we discovered the first dark fragments of the manuscript. Guarded by a wizened and ancient Recruiter whose dying words warned of a great doom yet to come, these accursed pieces of parchment told of a job so putrid; so horrifyingly corrupt, that few could imagine the malevolence it would set upon the earth, should it be unleashed. 

The manuscript described a vile form of biomancer, entirely devoid of human mercies, whose fell handiwork takes place with a maniacal zeal. In the tongue of our age, these devilish creatures are known as Makeup Artists, and their terrible creations would shock and horrify even the sternest of constitutions. 

In autumnal months, Makeup Artists can be found everywhere from children's parties to adult-oriented scare-fests, where they often work in conjunction with other denizens of the darkness to unleash terrifying violations upon all that is sane and decent with the world.

II: The work of madness itself

Following our discovery of the fragments in Turkey, our journey led us north to a small port town in western Finland. The ancient guardian we had discovered below the castle had hinted at a malign presence growing here - lurking beneath the light of the Aurora Borealis ... 

It was not until we chanced upon an ancient and decrepit lighthouse atop a crag of granite, that the truth of the Recruiter's warning became apparent to us - for we found our scroll, mildewy though it was - guarded by a thing whose appearance I will not mention for fear of driving you mad, dear reader. Know only that this pitiful being was once a proud Recruiter - the very composition of which had been altered by one of the aforementioned Makeup Artists. 

This creature - for a creature it was - represented little more than a shell of its former self. It had become that which they call a Scare Specialist, or Monster Actor - working by night at sideshows like Farmaggedon, intended to terrify local citizens - dancing their terrible dance under the light of the full moon. Once Halloween is over, these experts in fear will return to where they whence came; lying dormant for another year. This is known as a 'temporary contract'. 

III: Vendors of malevolence 

After what occurred in Finland - for we scarcely escaped with our lives - two of our number made the decision to return home - their faculties barely functioning after the horror of what we had unearthed by that cursed lighthouse. It is safe to say, dear reader, that we never saw them again - the steamer carrying them home to England having disappeared in mysterious circumstances during its voyage across the dark Baltic.

Yet we forged on - our youthful ambition leading us to journey across the Atlantic, into the rainforests of Bolivia, and to a settlement on a high clifftop, named Erebuso Abajo. We thought it strange at first that a town so high in altitude should be named as such - 'abajo' being the Spanish word for 'below' - at least until we happened upon a clearing in the dense rainforest that housed a peculiar-looking stone building. 

Although something about the building's very geometry seemed to repulse us, we pressed onward - steps seemingly carved from solid obsidian leading us down into a dank tomb of some sort. It was there that we encountered the worst horror thus far - scores of slumbering Seasonal Retail Workers, ready to be reanimated at a moment's notice to serve a dark horde of Halloween shoppers. It is with shame I tell you that we grabbed the next fragment of parchment and ran. Ran from that miasmic place, never to return. As far as I know, those Seasonal Retail Workers still lie dormant in that place - ready for the temporary role to come.

IV: Ancient designs of ultimate darkness

Events on our expedition thus far had shaken us, but not quenched our thirst for adventure - and as such we elected to continue our enquiries back in Europe. The next task was to find the source of the wares peddled by the Seasonal Retail Workers - that we might somehow stem the gruesome flow of Halloween goods before it was too late ... 

This is how we found ourselves investigating the lush, verdant valleys of Romania. As far as the expedition went, it was perhaps our most carefree moment - although with hindsight, this almost certainly led to our becoming too lax in our precautions.

Entering a valley somewhere north of Sibiu, we came upon a stone cottage; wisps of smoke rising slowly from its chimney. Famished as we were that day, we decided to visit this cottage to see if a local would perhaps furnish us with some provisions. But there were no provisions to be found inside the cottage, dear reader.

As we crossed the threshold, time appeared to stop - for there was no longer any birdsong to be heard, and even the sound of a nearby stream had become conspicuous in its absence. It was then that we heard a sardonic laugh coming from behind us. Wheeling around, we were to witness a face that simply defies description in normal terms. The face had clearly seen great aeons pass; deep folds in its chartaceous skin telling the tale of a thousand vacancies filled, and many more yet to come.

Only after a long battle was the Recruiter defeated, yielding the dark secret at the heart of the cottage - where none other than a  Halloween Costume Designer was being sought. Had the Recruiter been successful in summoning such a creature, there is no telling as to the horrors that could be unleashed with the help of a Professional Makeup Artist - further assisted by the horde we had discovered in Bolivia.

V: In the hall of the Recruitment Agents

With the penultimate fragment added to our burgeoning grimoire, we knew the task we must undertake next. It is with a heavy heart dear reader, that I tell you of the terrible nexus of recruitment power of which the fragment told; deep in the heart of London herself. We did not yet know that we were about to bear witness to the recruitment of one of the most niche temporary Halloween jobs imaginable.

It was in Knightsbridge - itself an ancient and storied place - where we made the discovery that still terrifies me to this day. Although it was nondescript by the standards of this most exclusive of neighbourhoods, we were surprised to find the recruitment agency office that the fragment instructed us to enter adorned internally with a leering mass of carved pumpkins and other squash. 

Each of these gourds was decorated with a grimacing visage - the very horror of which set the mind upon a terrible path. Considering the creature that might possess the ability to create such visions led us to believe that we were in the presence of none other than a Professional Pumpkin Carver. The only creature with might enough to invoke such a specific temporary contract could surely be the Director of a powerful recruitment agency. 

Upon that realisation, we fled for our lives. We had nothing in our arsenal that would enable us to do battle with such a ferocious foe - and it is at this point that I must warn you, dear reader, that it is still on the loose. It is out there somewhere, filling even the most difficult of employment contracts from its terrible lair.


With Halloween almost upon us, I must warn you that a great conspiracy is afoot. A seemingly global cabal of Recruiters have contrived to form an eldritch instrument the likes of which has never before been seen; a grim reckoning, bringing doom upon our time. The clues to this terrible plot lay hidden in the esoteric texts we unearthed on our journey, but I fear that many more may still be extant; lurking in hidden places around the planet.

Only one thing is for certain - if you are looking for a Recruiter, then Agency Central is the place to find them. We have listings for many skilled in the dark art of recruitment - searchable by location or specialism - so no matter what job role you are trying to fill, we can help you to do it. But strike fast, dear reader, because little time remains.

Written by M.W. Lovecraftinson
(Matt Atkinson)

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