Day 3 of 12 Days Of Christmas - 3 French Hens:
Who is your Mother Hen?
With the festive season having us already dreaming of a traditional roast turkey or plump Christmas goose, it's easy to forget about another proud and noble fowl; the mother hen.
As integral to the office makeup as the tea round specialist and technical wizkid, the mother hen, be it he or she, is the filofax spine that keeps the office together. Through a combination of warmth, wit and wisdom, they're a valued member of any organisation and usually well loved by colleagues.
If you're failing to place yourself amongst all the other workplace stereotypes, it might just be that you qualify to be the office mother hen.
You're the self appointed newbie welcome committee
As mother hen, it comes naturally to you to take new chicks under your wing and welcome them into the nest. Though you may have better things to do such as organise this year's secret santa or tidy away discarded wrappers from last week's 'Fatty Friday' (I mean, who else is going to do it?), you don't hesitate to take charge of an office newbie who just needs a little nurturing until they're ready to take full flight.
You're a one stop pharmacy
A one stop shop for all that ails you, everyone knows that your desk is a treasure trove of lotions, potions and pills that could even have cured Tiny Tim. Paracetamol? Check. Chewable vitamins? Check. Eye of newt? Just give me a minute.Check! Though your survivalist attitude should be applauded, unless the sensationalist tabloids are correct in predicting an apocalyptically white Christmas, it's unlikely that your immune system will need that boost to repopulate the planet.
The love guru
Oprah has nothing on you when it comes to overseeing the love lives of the infatuated infected and though you have no doubts that most of these flings will soon fizzle out, you nonetheless lend an (un)sympathetic ear to those around you. You don't need Facebook to know the relationship status of the office with your amorous associates willing to open up unprompted about their late night escapades and early morning heartbreaks. Though you might sometimes find this irritating, at least you'd be able to start a new career as a dating website if all else fails.
You're thinking of starting an 'Agony Aunt' column
Whether it's about an out of date humus or how best to cook that Christmas turkey, your colleagues regard you as a mystical source of all knowledge. Now while you may be missing the moon emblazoned cloak and riddle ladened tongue of a true savant, your words of wisdom could nonetheless be chiseled into doctrinal granite.
Bomb disposal expert (peacemaker)
While you hardly fancy joining the bomb disposal unit overseas, an explosive office confrontation is no match for your tactile diffusion techniques. The continued trust and lack of bias you display towards others has afforded you such respect that your intervention into any dispute is nothing but welcomed. Though you'd think that your involvement would only hurt your already high standing, you always manage to come out of it with typical Will Ferrell aplomb. Look out Jeremy Kyle, The Mother Hen Show could soon be coming to a TV studio near you!
The role of mother hen is no game (get it??) but it is one that's held in high esteem amongst employers and co workers. If you're looking around the office now and thinking that no one meets this criteria, don't be surprised if everyone else think's it's you (or maybe be not, I mean, I've never met you).
So Merry Christmas to all the mother hens out there for freeing up the rest of us to be occasionally whiny, naive and irresponsible.